Ye Ol’ Switcheroo
CHAPTER ONE
Luke
“So remember Mary Jane,
I will always be there.”
I
sighed like a five year old girl and kept watching. Spiderman was my all time
favorite super hero because he was a nerd just like me but still got the hottie
Mary Jane. Someone punches my arm and I look up to see Seth holding a protein
shake. I roll my eyes and continue watching. I wasn’t about to let Seth ruin
the only time of day I get to watch my show. He pushes me off the couch and
when I spill all my cereal he laughs his butt off.
“You are such a loser, Luke. I can’t believe we’re related.”
I roll my eyes.
“Ditto.”
I get up to go get a
paper towel when I see a red convertible pull up to our driveway and out walks
a goddess. With her light brown hair, her deep blue eyes, and her full red
lips, she is every guy’s dream but only one guy’s property. Seth hits me on the
head on the way out and tells me to stop drooling over his woman. She meets him
halfway to his car and they start their usual morning make-out session. I go to
get ready and I hear Leslie’s car speed off. Seth and I are twins but we look
nothing alike. He has muscles the size of mountains, plays every sport
possible, is the most popular guy in school, has light brown eyes that girls
say reminds them of caramel, tan, has blonde hair, and most importantly dates
the hottest girl in school. I, on the other hand, have no muscle whatsoever, am
the least popular guy in school, have green eyes that look like someone threw
up in my pupil, am extremely white, wear glasses, have black hair that covers
my ugly eyes, and don’t date anyone. I pull on my rock band t-shirt, ripped
jeans, and worn out sneaker and rush out the door, Seth tells everyone that we
aren’t related and that I only live with him because my parents didn’t want me
anymore and his parents needed community service hours and I am glad. I don’t
want to be associated with a retard any more than he wants to be related to a
nerd. I rush to Ashley’s house and pray that I didn’t miss her. Ashley has been
my best friend since kindergarten and she knows how much it sucks to have a
better sibling because believe it or not her sister in none other than Leslie
Terwinkle, my brother’s girlfriend. Ashley is not at all attractive with her
pimples covering her face along with her head gear and glasses. I guess I
shouldn’t judge but a guy has eyes. She rushes down her steps and gives me a
high five.
“Did you watch the new Spiderman this morning?”
I shake my head.
“Stupid Seth hogged the TV for ESPN.”
I put a finger in my
mouth and make a gagging sound. She laughs and we continue to talk about our
favorite superheroes. There was a point when I thought Ashley and I would end
up together but that thought was lost when I saw her making out with a girl
behind the bleachers in middle school. We arrive at school as soon as the bell
rings. We have no classes together except lunch hour, so we say our goodbyes
and head off. My first period is weight training, the worst possible class to
have in all the history of classes and the only class I have a C in. I go to
the stalls in the locker room and change into my gray t-shirt and black shorts
that say “Windward
High School
“Okay, all football players are excused from school because of
the game tonight. You guys will report here for each period.”
All the jocks scream “GO
WOLVES” and start lining up to get there passes. Coach Tyrone is the football
coach and all of his first period is the whole varsity football team, except
one sad soul (me). While Seth and his buddies all start working out on the
weight machines, I sneak out the back door to try to escape from this hell
house. I get as far as the outside of the gym when Coach Tyrone finds me.
“MCLOSER!”
In case you haven’t
figured it out, my last name is not McLoser, it’s McLazer but coach can’t seem
to grasp that. I stop walking and turn to face my doom. Coach runs straight up
to my face.
“Can I ask what you are doing here McLoser?”
I shake my head.
“ANSWER ME.”
I make sure to make a
big deal out of wiping the spit off my face before I speak.
“You can ask whatever you want, Coach. This is America
He grabs me by the ear,
which I am pretty sure is illegal, and drags me back into the weight room. We
walk straight to his office and the whole class watches as he sits me down in
the chair across his desk.
“You are failing my class.”
I shrug. I didn’t even
want to take this class. I was number two in my graduating class and I just
took this class because my jock head father told me to take it.
“I could hold you back.”
My head shot up and my
eyes met his.
“Coach, please I will do anything. I can’t be held back. My GPA
would plummet.”
I was begging him
because now that I was a senior, I couldn’t afford to stay back and stay
another year in this hell-hole they call school.
“I will think of something for you to make it up but for now
just go out there and run the treadmill.”
I rushed out of his
office and ran like there was no tomorrow. I hated anything exercise related
and everyone knew that. The bell rung and I rushed out to go get changed. I had
a feeling that coach didn’t tell me that it was ten minutes before the bell
because he wanted revenge on something. I rushed to my next class, AP
Government, just as the late bell rang. I sat in the far back corner where I
liked it. As soon as I sat down, everyone around me made a funny face. Jillian
Hatt, the student body president, raised her hand. Ms.Markees was our
government teacher and she barely talked. Whenever we came in, she had our
assignments already written on the board, that were due by the end of class or
else we fail the day. She nodded in Jillian’s direction and Jillian stood up.
“Can you please tell Luke to go wash up in the bathroom or
something because I am going to throw up if I smell him any longer?”
Everyone turned to me
and snickered and my face caught on fire. I hated being called out in class and
hated it even worse when it was for a bad thing. Ms. M looked at me and
motioned me to come to her. As I strode to her desk, every student I passed
held their nose.
“Luke, why the stench?”
She had the most
soothing voice and I loved it. I told her about weight training and Coach
Tyrone. She made a face as I said the coach’s name and I think I could figure
out why. Ms. M and coach Tyrone used to be married which is kind of hard to
believe. Coach is big and jock-like while Ms. M is the best woman anybody could
ever meet and was so fragile. Word around school is that she dumped him and
that he insulted her so much that people started thinking that she was some
kind of crazy lady. She told me to go wash up in the bathroom and I nodded. I
was walking down the hallway when I heard a giggle around the corner. Nosy me,
I peaked and there was Seth with his arm on the wall, and under his arm was
none other than Ms. Consuaela, my AP Spanish teacher. He whispered something in
her ear and she laughed. I couldn’t look away no matter how hard I wanted to.
He leaned in for a kiss and she didn’t turn him away. They made-out for a good
five seconds before she pushed him away. She looked side to side and I jerked
back behind the wall. When I was sure the coast was clear, I peeked again and
saw Ms. C closing the blinds to her windows and Seth sitting on a desk inside
her classroom. I sunk down the wall and started to process what just happened.
Ms. C and Seth? Why would she want him? He was failing her class and was
totally out of her league. Ms. C is what one would call model hot; she was nice
to look at but never touch. I was so going to let him have it at home. I went
to the bathroom to wash up and I got most of the smell off. I was walking back
to class, watching my feet move one in front of the other, when someone stopped
me. I saw pink converses and skinny white legs. I looked up and saw a plaid
miniskirt and a tight, very exposing white t-shirt. In front of me was big-tits
Leslie Terwinkle. She was looking at me and the next thing I know she was
pinning me against the wall. She leans her body against mine and I pray that my
little friend doesn’t pop out. She put her lips to my ear and speaks.
“Oh Luke. Wake up Luke.”
Confused I look at her
and suddenly realize that she disappeared. Next thing I know, I see a hand
waving in my face and I am on the floor. Coach Tyrone asks if I am okay.
“Wait, what happened?”
Coach laughs and helps
me up. We are alone in the bathroom and he tells me that I slipped and fell.
Some kid had seen me and called him for help. I rubbed my head and it felt
bruised when I rubbed it. I fixed my shirt and thanked coach. As I was leaving
the bathroom, coach called after me.
“HEY MCLOSER!”
I turned around and he
looked down. Confused, I followed his eyes and almost tripped while running
back in the bathroom. Coach laughed and I tried to cover it up with my hands.
He patted me on the back.
“Don’t worry McLoser, its only natural. Just stop dreaming
about me.”
He winked and with a
hearty laugh, he left. I went into the stall and had to wait until my friend
disappeared. This day could not get any worse and with that thought I heard the
door open. I look at the pink converse walk into the stall next to mine with
the shoes Seth was wearing this morning.
Seth
It isn’t easy being the
hottest guy in school. Everyone expects you to have the hottest clothes and the
hottest girlfriend and… hahahahaha I am so sorry but I can’t even say that
stuff with a serious face. I love being hot. I do have the hottest clothes and
I rock them. I do have the hottest girlfriend and I rock her, if you know what
I mean. My life is perfect except for one mistake, Luke. Have you ever had a
really good day and then when you get home your parents tell you your dog died?
That is feeling I get every time I see my twin. He is the worst thing that
could have happened to my life and he knows it. I am stuck having to share air
with him and it kills me. The only thing that makes it better is my girl,
Leslie who understands my dilemma because she has the same problem. Ashley is
the ugliest person to ever walk this planet and Leslie and I both know it. I
used to be friends with her but once she hit puberty we went our separate ways
but she stayed besties with Luke. I suck at school and everyone knows it but I
get by enough to play sports. The only thing that makes school more bearable
are my football friends, mi mamacita Consuaela, and my Leslie. I see Consuaela
and Leslie one after another and it feels amazing. I took a study period for
second hour because that is when Leslie has cheerleading class and when Ms. C
has no class. I just came back from my daily dose of Latin and I am now meeting
Leslie in the bathroom. We see that there is someone in the stall next to us
but Leslie if far from shy. I start to kiss her and she moans. I take off her
shirt and caress her big beautiful breasts. I love the feeling of her on top of
me and I never want this to end. I see the kid’s feet from the next stall and
freeze. I would recognize those shoes anywhere, Luke. Not that I cared if my
twin heard me do my girlfriend but I wasn’t in the mood for an audience. I
banged the stall and I saw his feet jump. Leslie looks at me, confused, and I
whisper, “Luke.” She nods and gets off my lap.
“Hey pervert want to come out and play?”
I go out of the stall
and wait for him to come out too. Leslie looks at her watch and tells me that
she only has 10 minutes. I sigh and tell her to just go. She comes to me and
presses me against the wall. I grab her ass and she grabs my friend. She licks
my lips and I moan. I was going to kill Luke. She leaves me and I go to lock
the bathroom door. I bang the stall again.
“Luke, get the fuck out here.”
I hear the lock click
and I see Luke walk out. He looks like shit and I don’t blame him. Coach made
him leave without taking a shower. I stand in front of him and he stares me
straight in the eye. He was never afraid of me, which pissed me off. Just
because he was my twin, didn’t mean that I wouldn’t beat him as fast as any
loser in this school. I laughed and spit in his face. He wiped it off and went
to the sink to clean himself off. I pulled him around and slammed him against
the wall.
“What the hell are you
thinking listening to me and Leslie get it on?”
He shrugged.
“It’s ‘Leslie and I’; and I was just waiting for you to be too distracted
so I could leave.”
I wanted to punch him in
the face so bad for making me miss my sex time with Leslie but I couldn’t. My
mom would kill me because he was always her favorite while Dad would defend me.
Mom and Dad would get into a fight and Luke would make me feel guilty. I let
him go and told him to scram. He opened the door but before leaving he turned
to me.
“How’s Ms. C?”
He slammed the door
behind him and left me frozen in place. How did he know about my meetings with
the Spanish teacher? I ran out and looked up and down the hallways for him but
I couldn’t seem to find him. Frustrated, I gave up and decided to pay a visit
to my woman. I knocked on her classroom door. I saw her peak out and the next
thing I know she was pulling me by my shirt inside. She slammed me against a
desk and went on top of me. I basked in her Spanish glory and had forgotten the
whole reason I came. I pulled her to the floor and kissed her everywhere. She
took off her top and I rubbed her body up and down, while she grinded on my
leg. I could remember the first time I did it with her like it was yesterday. I
needed Spanish tutoring and she told me that she could help. She said to come
over that Saturday and I did. When she answered the door she was wearing a
tight short red dress that hugged her perfectly. She invited me in and told me
to just wait in the living room. She brought me a sandwich and it was good. We
sat on the couch and she pretended to look for her Spanish workbook. Ironically
it was on the table right next to me so she had to lean over me to get it. I
couldn’t take it anymore and my body reacted like any teenage boy’s body would,
my friend came out. She looked at it and I apologized a million times over. She
put her finger over my lips and told me to calm down and that she knew a way to
get rid of it. Next thing I know, she grabbed it and started to play with it. I
told her that that wasn’t helping and she looked me and kissed me. The rest is
history. We finished and she told me I was amazing. From then on, we promised
to make time for each other; which is what we were doing right now. She
finished and we both lay, intertwined, on her classroom floor. I kissed her
forehead and she rubbed my inner thigh. I told her that I had to go and she
made a sad face. I started to get up but she caught my hand. Her eyes said
everything and I laughed.
“Okay, one more quickie.”
She pulled me down. By
the time we were done, the bell had rung and I had to get back weight training.
I kissed her and told her that I would see her tomorrow. The rest of the day
went by in blur because all I could think about was the big game tonight. I was
the all star quarterback of the Wolves and I couldn’t let them down. At lunch,
I ditched Leslie to practice some throws in the gym. When I got there, I was
all alone. It gave me time to think. I love my life but sometimes it gets a
little much. I love having Leslie and Ms. C but sometimes I just want to ditch
everyone and go to play for the NFL. At the game tonight, my coach said that
there would be scouts from all the major universities. I wasn’t that worried
because I was the best quarterback this town had ever seen. After lunch, the
whole team went to the weight room to release some tension. I was always the
one to give the pep talks so right before the game started I brought the team
in.
“Okay guys, don’t worry. The team we are up against sucks and I
hear that they have girl quarterback. GO WOLVES!”
“GO WOLVES!”
We ran out of the locker
room and onto the field. The game started at 7 but Coach always wanted us on
the field an hour early. We practiced punting, throwing, and tackling. I
watched the stands for my dad and he was there in row one. He always came to my
games, unlike my mom. If Luke had a math or chess competition she was more than
eager to go but with me, she didn’t care. She even told me one time that
football was barbaric and I was better off just sticking to failing at life.
Even though she treated me like shit, she was still my mom and no matter what I
still hoped that one day she would accept football. Enough of the corny stuff,
I was ready to play some ball. It was 7:45 and the other team was still MIA.
Just as the referee was about to call this game a forfeit, they pulled up. They
had a big bulldog on the side of their bus and horns on the top. They walked
off the bus one by one. They seemed bigger than I remembered and tougher. My
team looked at them as if they were murderers. I turned around and faced my
team.
“Don’t worry guys. Remember that I am the best quarterback
there is. I will get us through this.”
My best friend since
fifth grade was looking straight ahead. He tapped my shoulder and pointed
behind me. I turned around and saw a ball fly across the air, from one end zone
to another. I looked back at the other team to see who did it and I almost
fainted. She was the most amazing girl I had ever seen. She had dirty blonde
hair that looked as if it was as soft as a baby’s bottom. Her eyes were the
color or the grass in spring time, light green. She stood tall and looked at me
straight in the face. I was mesmerized and I couldn’t concentrate on anything
else but her. SHIT!
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