Chapter Nine
“Truth is such a rare thing; it is delighted to tell it.”
~ Emily Dickinson
I was snug into a nice bed and naked. Wait, naked? I felt bare but just to be sure I opened my eyes and looked under my covers. Sure enough all I had was underwear and a bra. To make matters worse, the lingerie wasn’t even mine. The set matched and was lime green and laced. I looked around and saw Connor lounging on the couch. When he realized I was awake he turned off the TV.
“That popping back in forth thing you do is annoying. You should get that fixed.”
I sat up and covered myself with the sheet.
“Talk.”
I glared at him. Last I remember he kidnapped me to this hotel room and wouldn’t tell me anything. He rolled his eyes and got up to sit on my bed. I rolled up into a ball in order to get as far away as possible from him. He sat, legs crossed, and began.
“We know about your dad.”
I nodded.
“I kind of figured.”
He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair.
“You don’t get it. Remember how you said that you don’t trust the High Helkers? Well, that is for good reason. Don’t get me wrong, I love them. They are my family and everything I have since a demon killed my parents. The point is that they have done stuff that would make demons cringe and I need you away from that. That is why we are here.”
I tried piecing together everything.
“I don’t get. Why are we here?”
“I need you away from the High Helkers. They are powerful but not powerful enough to track us if we move every day.”
I shook my head.
“What about Mason? What about Lucy?”
He shook his head.
“They don’t matter. I sent a message to Mason. He will be okay but we can’t have him following us around. The High Helkers keep track of him more than they keep track of anyone.”
“Isn’t Lucy going to be pissed? You guys are kind of an item.”
He laughed.
“We angels live forever. We do not get tied down to one angel.”
I looked at him. Was he serious? So what we had was never real? It meant nothing to him? As if realizing that he went wrong, his eyes got huge.
“I-I-I m-m-m-mean that we, uhm, don’t, uhm. You see, what I meant to say was, uhm.”
I shrugged.
“I established a long time ago that you never loved me.”
“Jess, what we had was just childhood lust.”
That hurt, a lot. I remember waiting up nights after Connor left waiting for him to sneak into my window and steal me away, but he never came. I waited for Connor to tell the High Helkers to screw themselves and come running back to me. When he left, he left a hole in my heart that only James was able to patch up. Now, I realized that boyfriend might be evil. I was starting to feel like it was me. NO! I wasn’t me. It was them. Connor left me, even though I was the best girlfriend he ever had. James was evil, not me. I shrugged.
“Connor, listen, can we not talk about the past?”
He shook his head and stood up. He started pacing back and forth and it reminded me of before, outside the club.
“No, Jess, we never talked about it and that is the problem. No matter how much you hate it, you are stuck with me for awhile. I think we need to let out whatever is bottled up inside. We need to put everything on the table. If we keep everything inside one day we are both going to explode.”
I looked at Connor, shocked. Was he really saying that he wanted to talk? Connor was the type of guy that didn’t talk a lot, unless it was to pick up girls. He hated expressing feelings and now he was practically begging to pour them out.
“Uhm, okay but we have to make a deal. Whatever is said, we put it behind us. We forget about it and never mention is again.”
He nodded.
“Deal.”
He put his fist over his heart and pounded it seven times, the angel agreement. A new mark appeared on his cheek; this one was green and looked like a rose. It blossomed and one petal fell off. I nodded to his cheek. He looked in the mirror and laughed.
“Wow. I thought these were just rumors.”
“What?”
“In the Great Book it says that when an angel makes an agreement or deal with a human, the angel has 30 days to keep it.”
“I’m still not getting it.”
“You are part human, so the rule applies. After the 30 days, if the deal is still kept, the angel is free to go. One petal from the rose falls off each day.”
“Free to go?”
He nodded.
“Before the 30th day, if the deal is broken from either end, the angel is sent to the pits of hell for 70 days and 70 nights. After day 30, the angel is free to go and break the deal with no repercussions.”
“So, you’re saying that the angel stays around the human for 30 days to make sure that they keep the agreement also?”
He nodded.
“Precisely.”
I nodded and shivered. I was cold so I curled under the blanket even more.
“How did I get out of my clothes?”
He looked shocked at the question. He sat down at the end of the bed, again, and his face turned red. He cleared his throat.
“Aren’t we supposed to be, uhm, discussing something else.”
I laughed.
“Chill, Connor. In case you forget, we have seen each other in just our undergarments before.”
“I just wanted you to be comfortable. I tried not to look but I just caught a peep.”
I pulled the covers higher. I suddenly felt very violated.
“Like what you saw?”
He stared at me. I got goose bumps and suddenly memory of the plane ride here came crashing down. I looked away because I knew that if I kept looking into those eyes, I would do something I was going to regret. He cleared his throat. I glared at him and suddenly knew what I wanted to ask him, first.
“Why did you leave me?”
He froze and then started fidgeting with the sheets. I laughed and he didn’t look pleased for my reaction. I couldn’t help it though. In all the years I had known Connor not once had I seen him look this nervous. He ran his long fingers through his hair and gave a huge sigh.
“Jessie, we’ve been over this. I had to go. You wouldn’t understand.”
I crossed my arms. He never took the time to tell me what was going on. He didn’t even say goodbye. That was the worst time of my life and I would never forget that he was the one that made it that way.
“I thought we had something.”
“We were young. We had no idea what was going on. I needed to go. My dad would have wanted me too.”
I almost felt bad for Connor. He was born an orphan. His mother and father died two days after he was born. Demon attack on the village and they protected him. They gave him to a lowly human and instructed her to bring her to my family’s reserve. My father welcomed him with open arms because his father saved my mother’s and my life.
“Connor, I get that but would a goodbye have been so hard? A ‘I’ll be back for you’ or even a ‘see you later’? You just left from one day to the next. You know that we mature fast so just because we were physically young, mentally we were 19 or 20.”
“A goodbye wasn’t possible. They told me to report to them ASAP and I did. That is it.”
His cold expression came back and he became distant. I was about to shrug it off, but I thought better of it.
“No.”
He raised an eyebrow at me.
“No?”
I nodded.
“No. We promised to be open and now you decide to be like every typical guy and be like ‘oh, it was my duty’? No. Fuck that. Tell me why you didn’t say goodbye to me, Connor Farlowe.”
“I just told you.”
“That isn’t the truth. I know you. Even though you turned into a total dick, and I treat you like one, I know that you aren’t. And I thought angels weren’t supposed to lie.”
He shrugged.
“I get a free pass. I work for the High Helkers.”
“Wow. So they let their pets are allowed to lie? Those two-faced bastards.”
Connor stood up.
“DON’T YOU DARE CALL THEM THAT!”
“Why not? They ruined my life, my father’s life, and pretty much everyone’s life. They might be all powerful but they hold as much secrets and tell as much lies as a demon. They might as well be them.”
He was enraged. When an angel gets extremely angry, they blaze. Not like catch on fire, but they almost shine. Connor was starting to glow. I didn’t want to get him mad, because I had never seen an angel really mad before, but I couldn’t help it. The words kept pouring out.
“They are cruel and evil and you know what? Your dad would have to be a demon too if he would want you to join those evil things. I don’t think he would have been proud of you. He would hate you and what you are for those things. They aren’t the highest most righteous angels; they are the lowest of the scum of the underworld.”
He was mad but those last words broke him. I had to look away with the light that was radiating off his body. I closed my eyes and started to pray that I would live. The light started to dim so I decided to glimpse his way. He was shirtless and his wings were out. Unlike the angels in books, real ones have the most majestic wings. They aren’t curved around the back but instead they are more like eagle wings. They have layers and layers of feathers and they are pretty much the most amazing thing anyone could ever see. They aren’t all white but most are. For the few lucky and different angels, such as Mason and Connor, their wings are gold and silver. Although many can only dream of seeing this beauty, most never would want to. All angels have wings once they become of age but they are never to expose them. They don’t hurt to contract and no one actually has to think of keeping them in. It isn’t illegal to take them out but most don’t, except when they are mad. When angels become angry something inside them triggers. It is a small spark but when they become enraged, you should run. As soon as you see an angel’s wings, you should be terrified because that means that there is no stopping whatever they will do. They could banish you to the underworld or make you do things most wouldn’t dream of. When angels’ wings come out, they lose all sense of human connections they might have. They become the things they really are, protectors of the world and if you anger them, they might feel as if you are a danger to that world. What happens when a protector feels that the very thing they are to protect is in danger? They do everything in their power to prevent any harm from happening. There is no reasoning with an angel when they are like that. They forget all about who you are, no matter who you are. There was a story of a woman who fell in love with an angel. She would follow him around and leave little notes for him to find. Naturally, the angel was far from interested. He had a job, which was to guard his human, a man named Joshua. The woman kept persisting and persisting, until one day the angel had enough. He told the woman to stay away from him and his human or there would be repercussions. Heartbroken the woman ran away from home. Years later she appeared again, this time married and living a happy life. Now intrigued, the angel approached the woman. All her feelings came rushing back and she became friends with the angel. The angel cherished her friendship and grew very fond of her, although he knew nothing would come of it. The woman soon could no longer keep her feelings hidden and she told her husband. Enraged, the husband beat her and left her on the street to rot. The angel rescued her and nursed her back to health. He had fallen in love with her and would go to tell the High Helkers the next day. Now, the angel was still a guardian of Joshua and would always be. Even if the High Helkers permitted him to be with the woman, he would always be required to protect and always put Joshua first, as the angel told the woman. Enraged that Joshua was going to forever be number one in the angel’s heart and soul, she devised a plan to murder Joshua. She waited for her true love to leave to the High City. Once gone, she snuck over to Joshua’s and brutally beat him. While she was hiding the body, the angel returned. He saw the scene in front of him and became enraged. He shone brighter than the sun and his majestic wings appeared. Scared for her life, the woman pleaded with her love to have mercy. Upset and hurt, the angel did not listen to any of her words. He banished her to walk the Earth never to be loved again and to be hated by all that looked her way. Heartbroken the woman left to face her horrendous fate for eternity. Once calmed down, the angel realized what he had done and hated himself for doing that to the only living thing he had ever loved.
I peered at Connor terrified. If love couldn’t even get a woman mercy from the man she loved and who loved her, how was I even going to survive Connor’s wrath? His eyes were brighter than ever before and it hurt just to look at them. When he spoke the hotel shook and I was surprised that no one noticed and started screaming down the halls.
“HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY FAMILY? MY FATHER SAVED YOUR LIFE! HE SAVED YOUR FAMILY’S LIVES! IF IT WEREN’T FOR HIM, YOU WOULD BE DEAD AND NOW YOU INSULT HIS VERY BEING?”
“Conn-“
“SILENCE! MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE DEAD! MAYBE YOU SHOULD ROT IN THE BOWELS OF THE EARTH FOR A THOUSAND YEARS!”
I got up from the bed, not caring that all I had on were undergarments. If I were to survive, I needed to do something. I closed my eyes and pulled any energy that I could from my angel blood. I felt it inside, a small sliver of hope, the warmth of love and sweet caress of pureness inside my skin. It felt amazing and exhilarating. I opened my eyed and looked straight at Connor. I took a step towards him.
“Connor, please. I am sorry,”
He laughed.
“SORRY? NOW, TRI-BLOOD, YOU APOLOGIZE? YOU WANT ME TO SPARE YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU THREATEN MY WORK? HOW DO I NOT KNOW THAT YOUR HATE FOR THE ONES THAT PROTECT THIS WORLD WILL TURN INTO A HATRED FOR THIS WORLD AND THE RACE IN IT?”
I spoke as smooth and calm as I ever had before.
“I am part human. Why would I hurt my own?”
“YOU ARE ALSO PART DEMON! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT YOU WILL DO?”
I flinched. How did he know what I was? If he knew then who else knew? What would I now be known as? Would everyone call me the demon girl? So many questions swirled through my head. I hated Don. I hated everything he stood for. I hated evil with a passion that I had never hated anything before. I hated myself for being able to hate. For so long I had been trying to be the perfect angel, hoping that one day my mother and father would bring me home and be proud. That they wouldn’t blame me for the death of their second child. That was all lost now. I was part demon and it killed me to think about it. No matter how hard I tried to be and act like an angel, I wasn’t. I was just a lowly tri-blood. I fell to the ground and started to cry. It takes a lot for me to cry and once I do, it’s hard to stop. I sobbed for what seemed like hours. When I finally stopped, I realized Connor was Connor again. He was sitting on the bed, waiting for me to stop. When I looked at him, I saw the hurt in his face. He moved back against the bed frame.
“Jess, I’m sorry. You know what happens when we get mad. I didn’t mean any of that.”
I shook my head.
“I provoked you. It was my fault and, plus, all you said was true.”
He put his head in his hands. He spoke, muffled, through his fingers.
“I promised myself that after I left I wouldn’t hurt you anymore. That is why I disappeared. How could I have come back to say goodbye when I knew how much it would hurt you? You would have felt like I was abandoning you.”
“Connor, that doesn’t make any sense. If you sat down and explained to me what was going to happen, I would have been fine. You left me. I loved and trusted you and you LEFT me. You didn’t say goodbye because you were too chicken to say it.”
He was shaking his head. I didn’t want a repeat of what had just happened but I needed the truth. I used to stay up late nights thinking of all the reasons he left without a goodbye. I thought that it was to protect me, but it wasn’t. I sometimes thought that he was just planning to escape back to me and didn’t want to leave a trace leading back to me; it wasn’t.
“Jess, please. Stop pestering me about it. You don’t want to hear the answer.”
I stood tall. Realizing, again, what I was wearing I grabbed a sheet from the bed. Connor, thankfully, didn’t notice me. He was too busy wallowing in self doubt and pity. I waltzed over to him and grabbed his hands. He gave me them but looked away.
“Connor, look at me.”
He finally did. His green eyes almost made me melt, but I held myself together.
“Tell me the truth.”
He abruptly stood up, knocking me back to the floor.
“You want to know why I really didn’t say goodbye, Jess?!!”
He was about two octaves from yelling. I nodded. He looked me straight in the eye while he spoke.
“You were right. I was a coward. I wanted so bad to follow through with my father’s last wish that I didn’t care who I hurt. He wanted me to follow in his footsteps and join the High Helkers and I planned to, until I met you. You had me going crazy. You were all I could think about day and night that soon I forgot about the High Helkers, until the Recruits came. When I saw them, I remembered what my father wanted of me and I became torn. I thought what we had was love and I wanted to stay with you but I couldn’t. I knew that if I didn’t go with them, I would regret it. So I went. I didn’t say goodbye because even looking at your gorgeous face would have changed my mind. I would have done anything for you, even given up my dream. I thought about turning back to you a couple of times but by the time I did, it was too late; I wasn’t allowed to. So, there you go. Happy now?”
He looked out the window and I was glad that he didn’t expect me to say anything. I was speechless. All the thoughts that crossed my mind and not once had I thought of that. It was like something out of a love story. I looked at Connor and wondered what my life would be like if he did see me before he left? If he stayed, what would have happened to me? Would my parents have kept me at home? There was no use thinking about the past. I touched his arm and I felt it tense up.
“Connor.”
He looked at me and chuckled.
“The suckiest part is that I was right.”
“About what?”
“What we had was love, not lust, but true undying love.”
I gulped. I had waited years for him to say that and now that he did, it almost melted me.
“Wanna hear the absolute worst part though?”
“What?”
“It never went away.”………………………..
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